The cruelest "nice" question

How many times have you seen a senior level leader ask a subordinate who is struggling, “What can I do to support you?” I know I’ve asked that question dozens of times, at least. On the surface, it sounds incredibly supportive. But it can bring more unintended negative effects than the positive help intended – especially if it is ill timed.

The question can become loaded if  the junior leader is feeling lost in the weeds. Believe it or not, just asking this question can further stress her/him out –  they are looking to us to have some answers and this question can make it sound like we don't have a plan! Did the cavalry arrive, but forget ammunition? It can also seem like just one more thing to figure out, to ponder, to distract.  It can be one more question s/he feels pressure to have a good answer for. Since leaders are performance oriented by nature, they feel like they need to come up with the “right” answer to every question posed. A skilled senior leader might account for all of this and accommodate, but there is still a fundamental problem with this question. It shifts responsibility from the senior to the junior leader. Essentially, we are telling her that not only does she need to improve her performance, but she’s got to figure out the senior leader’s job as well!

If they knew, they would have tried it already! In the Health Care business, we usually promote from the clinical ranks. Our front-line managers are usually pulled from the top 5% of the field - the best of the best – are highly driven and have achievement-oriented personalities. If you’ve got the right person in the job, they’ve already tried everything they know how to do, asked everyone they respect what to do and may be in panic mode racking their brains about what to do next. Simply put, if they knew what they needed from you, they would have already asked and if they knew what to do, they wouldn’t need you!

What are we really here for? We are in our positions because we have years of experience and training and can see things the junior leader can’t see from her perspective - her “stripe on the beach ball” * We know things she wouldn’t even dream of asking. We have access to resources she doesn’t know exist. We’ve been in similar situations and we’ve seen others in similar situations. We are there to synthesize all of that into tangible support. We bring ideas and actions the junior leader can’t request, because she can’t fathom.

So, I can’t ever ask? Don’t get me wrong, we actually should inquire to find out if there are any resources we can get or logjams we can clear – eventually. We should ask what we can do to help, but not at first, not as a primary strategy and not until we’ve done a whole lot more.  It should be used as a fail-safe. Yes, we have the authority or the resources to move hills and mountains the junior cannot. If we can cut through red tape, get quickly a question quickly answered, expedite a request or authorize a resource, we can almost magically help. We just have to be careful how we ask – and more importantly, when.

When to ask. I’ll bet you’re familiar with this scenario: a senior leader (or a team from “corporate”) arrives in town or calls to help a struggling program or agency. The junior leader knows why you’re there, and even if you have an excellent relationship, she is dreading the encounter to some extent. Leaders like to achieve, and they when they know they’re not, and it’s tough place to be in. So, the senior asks to go over the plan. We poke holes in it (as we should), question it, remind them (as if they didn’t know) how much is riding on the turnaround, and offer a few suggestions. If we precede that or even follow that up directly by asking what we can do, it’s likely going to bring more frustration than relief. Let’s hold off a little….in fact, I think it would be more effective if we hold off critiquing the plan as well.

No ifs, ands or buts. Our message to junior leadership needs to be clear: we are in this together and we are by your side. As long as you are trying in good faith, I’m there. And by the way, I’ve been where you are, and I know how to get through this. Just asking what we can do to help implies, “I’ll help, as soon as you tell me what you need.” No. I’m here to help right now. We will figure this out. Let’s get to work.

First, roll your sleeves up. Consider this example. I had earlier arrived from the airport in a struggling agency. The newly promoted Director was in it deep – a multiple-paged plan of correction in response to a recent poor state survey, the financial report was bleeding red all over the page, productivity bad, admissions down, key positions open, at least two clinicians in need of performance plans and an unhappy office team. The day before, by phone, I had helped him develop a list of important tasks and presently we had just finished putting them on the dry erase board and numbering them by priorities. The Senior Vice President had been on a later flight and when she arrived, she gave the Director a coffee cup filled with his favorite candy, a hug and asked for a work space. She set up quickly and looked at the dry erase board. She didn’t ask for an update, go over the plan and, importantly, she didn't ask what she could do. She quickly looked at the list and attacked the stack of resumes and began setting up interviews and doing phone screens (recruiting for the key positions was high on the priority list). She also pulled up the EMR and Plan of Correction and started doing some of the required chart reviews.

Soon the Director looked like a new man! He was visibly relieved, and the pep was back in his step as the three of us worked that day on his priorities. The three of us got a lot done that half day. We took him out to diner that night and causally discussed the plan and went over what was working and what wasn’t. Later that night the VP and I discussed OUR plan to support the Director.

Now we can ask. The next morning, I met with him and started out with what I, the VP and the company would do to help. We went through the plan together – including poking holes and suggesting edits – and revised it together. Finally, I did ask him if there was anything else we could do for him. He couldn’t think of anything at first, as he profusely thanked the VP and I. Then he remembered a capital expense that was caught up in red tape. We ensured him we would (turns out it only took two quick phone calls). I asked as a final check, not a staring point. I used it as a final reassurance to ensure we’d uncovered very stone, we respected his viewpoint and to reinforce I was there for him.

The bottom line. We expect leaders at every level to assess key clinical and business issues and develop a plan of action. Since supporting our first line supervisors is probably the most vital role we play in mid-level or senior leadership, why would we model anything less? Asking what we can do to support a junior leader can be an effective reinforcement, closer or reminder of our support. It is less effective and potentially counterproductive an opener or primary tactic.

*A reference to the “beach ball” metaphor that illustrates how we can only see things from our own perspective without training, effort and deliberate compensation. Susan Scott explains it this way in her brilliant book Fierce Conversations “Think of your company as a beach ball. Picture the beach ball as having a red stripe, a green stripe, a yellow stripe, and a blue stripe. Let's imagine that you are the president of the company. That's you standing on the blue stripe. The blue stripe is where you live, every day, day after day. If someone asks you what color your company is, you look down around your feet and say, ‘My company is blue.’ “